Movie review: taare zameen par (तारे ज़मीन पर)

well, today, i had the opportunity to go check out this much talked about movie.... all the publicity has been making it look really awesome.... so i thought i would go see if it really is all that....

just to give you a quick run down, it is a brilliant movie directed by aamir khan who also happens to play a role in the film. the film is a story of Ishaan Awasthi, An eight-year old dyslexic child who has difficulties in reading, writing and understanding letters, words and sentences. His world is filled with wonders that no one else seems to appreciate; colours, fish, dogs and kites are just not important in the world of adults, who are much more interested in things like homework, marks and neatness. And Ishaan just cannot seem to get anything right in class. For that he gets punished every time.

When he gets into far more trouble than his parents can handle, he is packed off to a boarding school to ‘be disciplined’. Things are no different at his new school, and Ishaan has to contend with the added trauma of separation from his family.

One day a new art teacher Ram Shankar Nikumbh (aamir khan) bursts onto the scene, who infects the students with joy and optimism. Nikumbh soon realizes that Ishaan is very unhappy, and he sets out to discover why.

Yes, that’s the story of the film…. But the film is more than the story per se. The film belongs to the performances of Aamir as the ultra-sensitive art teacher who was dyslexic himself and sees his own image in the child. It belongs to Tisca Chopra’s portrayal of the mother who loves her child and is exasperated with him in equal measure.

However, more than anything, it belongs to Darsheel Safary as Ishan, who silently conveys turmoil, glee, wonder, anger and carries the film on the strength of his performance alone.

At that level, it is a intensely human film that tells us a very human story.No item numbers, no heroine, no songs in Switzerland. And it works ! Bravo, Aamir Khan, producer, director and actor of “Taare Zameen Par” ! In fact, the only drawbacks in the movie were the caricatures of some characters, like Mr. Awasthi, the father, and the boarding school teachers (who apart from Aamir Khan, are made to look like either buffoons or cruel sadists). The high achieving elder brother however, is not a caricature, thankfully !

Some facts about this movie:

Taare Zameen Par opened with 425 prints across India. The initial Box Office response was low the film quickly picked up due to strong positive review from both critics & audience. The Director Aamir Khan has posted in his official website that he's been informed by the movie distribution team of PVR that this movie is headed for the biggest grosser of the year.

IndiaFM has awarded the movie 4 out of 5 reels saying "TAARE ZAMEEN PAR isn't one of those films that merely entertains, but also enlightens." and "On the whole, TAARE ZAMEEN PAR is an outstanding work of cinema. To miss it would be sacrilege. It has everything it takes to win awards and box-office rewards!". The gross first week collection of TZP is INR 16 Crore in India

Rajeev Masand of CNN-IBN has stated "Taare Zameen Par may change your life" giving it a positive review.

I loved this movie. Its the sort of movie which anyone can relate to on a personal level... and it will definately bring tears to your eyes atleast once..... so i would score this movie 9 out of 10.

update from ahmedabad

man..... this place has changed heaps since the last time i was here 5 years ago.... i have been here now for just one week.... and already, i can point out so many things that have changed here... firstly, its scary to admit this... but i no longer feel like i know this city... on the way here to the place i am staying from the airport, i had absolutely no idea where i was.... all i knew was that there were roads and stuff.... but i had no idea where i was.... at all... and thats scary... the first couple of days, it used to annoy the hell out of me anytime anybody honked.... and trust me, there is a lot of that here... and besides, this city is NEVER quiet.... not even in the middle of the night.... there is always something going on all the time... but now, i think i am used to all the honking... this city has grown heaps though.... there used to be this club that we used to go to all the time..... its called rajpat club.... it was out there on the highway in the middle of nowhere... all that was surrounding it was wilderness... but when i went there this time around..... (i was actually headed to a wedding reception which just happened to be down the road) that area has developed heaps now... there are 2 huge multiplexes... and a huge reliance mall.... and also a big bazaar... lol... that place is unrecognizable now... also another good thing about ahmedabad.... since the introduction of the CNG auto rickshaws, the pollution fog every morning and evening is now gone.... one thing i am really satisfied about is the food.... it sure feels good to eat the properly spicy will burn your mouth type of food again.... and that was one thing i used to miss heaps about this place.... the awesome tasting yummy yummy food...

anyways, thats all i have for now.. will keep you updated...

Laters...

almost time for me to go

looking at my countdown timer here shows that i have exactly 4 days, 19 hours, 33 minutes before i leave for india..... so thought i would post what could be my last entry for this year.... looking back, i would have to admit, that the majority of this year has been pretty bad for me.... i have had it really rough this year..... and the dream year i saw coming for me this year basically fell apart into a million different pieces for me pretty early on. but after hitting such a low, there is possible only one way forward and that is up....... so being the optimistic i am, i am gonna look at the glass as half full and appreciate the things i have. the friends and family who have stuck with me through this time...... and not concentrate too much on those with whom i have parted ways. those that i want to thank, already know who they are. had it not been for them, i dont know where i would be today. Anyways, moving right along. india..... ahmedabad.... my second time going back there since i moved to new zealand and my first time in 5 years. oh boy.... things certainly have changed.... a lot.... best to keep moving with the times eh. its less than 5 days to go now... and i have a LOT to do. so many people to meet.... and at this time, i am being an insomniac being up at 2:30 in the morning.

oh well, best wrap this up. incase i have no internet/time for internet available in india, i best say this now before its too late...

to all my friends out there..... a VERY merry christmas and a happy new year..... you all take good care of yourself and ill see you all back here in the new years....

Laters
Sankalp

The Free Hugs campaign

This is one man's (Juan Mann) way of changing the whole world. Just would like to say congratulations. Sometimes, all of us need a free hug..... watch the video, you will know what i mean. hope this inspires you to do something to make this orld a better place as it has inspired me.

Exams over

well, the title says it all.... my exams are over.... YAY!!! ..... oh well... time for party.... its tension free time now.... so much to do.... so little time before i bugger off from this country for a while.... oh well, better start now eh??

the New 1 million dollar lamborghini

Lamborghini has released a new car..... again.... man these audi lambo people have been busy lately.... buty whatever the reason.... the fact is that lamborghini have released a brand new car..... and it costs a million bucks.... the car was revealed this year at the frankfurt autoshow and is set for production in 2008..... all the 20 units set for production are already pre-ordered. the name of this brand new invention is Lamborghini Reventon. Inspired by jet fighter design, words are not enough to describe this beauty. so rather than me explaining to you what it looks like, i thought i would just post a video here and let you see it for yourself.... lemme know what you think.... and as always.... Enjoy

Sankalp

The modern india

Welcome to modern india..... this is what we did with a country that so many people find it so easy to badmouth... my home... my life...... the place i belong.... INDIA!!!!






Enjoy
Sankalp

a bit pi*sed off

i am so mad at a certain someone right now that words cannot even begin to describe it.... and over on top of that.... she STILL wont stop lying to me.... thinking that if she tries to make it sound convincing, i wont know the truth. and why am i doing all this?? just because i care about her.... a little too much if you ask me... maybe i should just stop caring.... dont tell her anything... see how she feels then.... for all i know... she probably wont even care.... oh well.... she can go if she wants to.... there are always more of them out there....


Till next time...

Sankalp

pay it forwards

pay it forwards...... it was a good movie.... for those who dont know what it was about, let me just quickly fill you in.... the whole moral of that movie is that if someone does something for you, rather than just returning the favour to the person, you pay it forwards three times. that way, this world will be a better place......

ok, so now we come back to present.... enough of the movie recap. i have tried and tested this method...... and all i can say is that, when you do good unto others, it feels good..... but this is a risky game..... coz sometimes, the problems are tricky..... and you dont always have the best answers.... especially when it involves a person's life.... but doing something is better than doing nothing..... this is atrap yaar..... if you do something and things go wrong, you feel bad coz you might think its all your fault.... if you dont do anything and something bad happens, you still feel bad coz you didnt do anything to change it when you had the chance.... but oh well, we are all humans right.... no one is perfect.... so what we have here is a tricky situation...... what to do??

any ideas anyone??

Sankalp

best things in life are free

well..... its been a long time since things were what they used to be..... in all this time.... i realised something..... that the best things in life are the ones that are free...... i am taking a whole new approach to life..... changing my ways of thinking that has been influenced in the past by a few people i no longer get on with..... but in the end all it comes down to is this...... live life tension free...... no tension = no jhanjat (mess). this means peace of mind for me..... and no heartache/ sleepless nights/ worrying about how complicated all this shit is.... anyways... as life goes.... its good to change.... its good to see a different side of life.... its great to be boring and not so adventerous.... it keeps me stable.... lets me concentrate on the long term stuff.... i no longer need to worry about 2moro.... thanks to a certain goglu moglu mate of mine.... he knows who he is.... well... so do a few more people actually.... well, anyways.... with huge obstacles in the long run, the future still seems uncertain..... but atleast i now have the time to concentrate on these long term problems.... and hopefully, by the time they get here..... i might have some sort of a solution ready as to how to tackle that problem....... but who knows eh....

lastly..... i would just like to leave you with this beautiful poem i came across.... its really an eye opener.....

Here comes the dawn

After a while you learn
The subtle differences between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn
That life doesnt mean leaning
And company doesnt mean security
And you begin to learn that kisses arent contracts
And presents arent promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the strength of a man
Not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid flight
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you ask too much


So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn
That you really can endure
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn
And you learn
With every failure
You learn

once again...... i have not written this..... i merely came across it and found it really touching.... so i thought i would share it with the readers out there.... whoever you may be....

anyways....

enjoy

Sankalp

hello..... i am back

Man..... i just cannot believe it.... its been almost 2 months since i last posted an entry on here..... its just been so busy.... especially these last few weeks with the exams and all thats on.... its been crazy..... but ok... well i am back now for another entry... today is september the 10th..... which means that 2moro...... is september the 11th..... a very memorable day for all the wrong reason.... dont forget to pay your respects for those that lost their lives in that tragedy....

On a brighter note, my mid semester break has finally begun.... YAY!! but i wouldnt call it much of a holiday.... got tests and assignments on my first week back..... but oh well.... on saturday.... me and a few mates went out to rangitoto island for a day of trekking and some good clean productive fun.... needless to say.... armed with 2 digital cameras.... plenty of pictures were taken and a lot of monkeying around was done..... so far i only have 200 pics..... (i know.... ONLY!!!) i have posted some of them on bebo.... ill post the rest when i get them..... but man was it fun... we were dead tired at the end of it.... but who cares..... i guess this makes up for not going to gym for a month huh... lol.... oh well.... ill keep posting more as more and more "productive" things happen...



Laters...

Sankalp

almost back to uni

Wow, these holidays have certainly gone faster then anyone thought they would.. but hey, the time for "chillaxing" is almost up. its just the final stretch left. this one last weekend of freedom till....... till end of november. man.... THIS SUCKS!!!! oh well, better stop moaning and grumbling about it.... not that thats gonna be of much use now. ok, well, uni starts on monday..... and my timetable is still filled with clashes.... GREAT!!!!! i have no idea what my semester looks like it means.... oh well, keep you updated as i find out....


happy (the remainder of the......) holidays

Shanksta

sem 1 exams follow up

alrighty.... so here we are..... here and now.... once again... lol... ok well, so the exams were a major screw up and i know i promised myself that i will post as soon as exams finished..... but yea..... i have been a bit lazy lately... and now here i am.... another one of those sleepless nights where i stay up and think.... so yea.... like i said.... exams were bad..... EC2.... here i come next semester... lol... soch raha hoon ki puri zindagi hi change kar lu meri..... to hell with BE...... kuch aur hi karte hai.... as far as other aspects of my life go...... well..... i am still alive and breathing.... but certain things about life i am really starting to hate..... but kya kare..... zindagi hai..... sirf ek baar hi jina hai.... i havent been to work lately either..... but yea...... i will.... from sunday..... i will.... so yea.... stay tuned to see how life unfolds.....

Lyrics of the month -june 2007

my favorite song of all times.... its awesome... from Linkin Park's album: Reanimation

From the top to the bottom
Bottom to top I stop
At the core I’ve forgotten
In the middle of my thoughts
Taken far from my safety
The picture’s there
The memory won’t escape me

We’re stuck in a place so dark
You can hardly see
The manner of matter that splits with the words I breathe
And as the rain drips acidic questions around me
I block out the sight and the powers that be
And duck away into the darkness
Times up
I wind up in a rusted world with eyes shut so tight that it blurs into the world of pretend
And the eyes ease open
And it’s dark again

From the top to the bottom
Bottom to top I stop
At the core I’ve forgotten
In the middle of my thoughts
Taken far from my safety
The picture’s there
The memory won’t escape me
But why should I care?

In the memory you’ll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up

Listen to the sound
Dizzy from the ups and downs
I’m nauseated by the polluted rot that’s all around
Watching the wheels of cars that pass
I look past to the last of the light and the long shadows it casts
A window grows and captures the eye
And cries out a yellow light as it passes me by
And a young shadowy figure sits in front of a box
Inside a building of rock with antennas on top, now
Nothing can stop in this land of the pain
The sane lose not knowing they were part of the game
And while the insides change
The box stays the same and the figure inside could bear anybody’s name
The memories I keep are from a time like then
I put on my paper so I could come back to them
Someday I’m hoping to close my eyes and pretend
That this crumpled up paper can be perfect again

Yo, from the top to the bottom
Bottom to top I stop
At the core I’ve forgotten
In the middle of my thoughts
Taken far from my safety
The picture’s there
The memory won’t escape me

I’m here at this podium talking
The ceremonial offerings dedicated to urban dysfunctional offspring
What’s happening?
City governments are eternally napping
Trapped in greedy covenants
Causing urban collapse
And bullets that scar souls with dark holes
Get more than your car stole, some parts be blacker than charcoal, for real
This society’s deprivation depends now on our differences but the separation within
No preparation is made
Limited aid, minimum wage
Living in a tenement cage where rent isn't paid
Tragedy within a parade
The darkness overspreads like a permanent plague
I’m the forgotten

In the memory you’ll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up

the pressure of exams

with exams just around the corner, its a miracle that i am doing this right now.... got loads of things to get through... man i am gonna be so glad when these exams finish..... coz they are a pain.... anyways, apart from that, life is good as ever.... the day drags by.... work is boring as ever.... thinking of quitting.... but yea.... not too sure as of just yet.... anyways, back to studies....

Laters

the new me

ok.... i know i havent posted in a long time now.... so here is a quick update... the new light..... i made sure she didnt stay long.... she is gone.... i have introduced some pretty major changes to my life.... and the road to the new me is a hard and painful one.... but only one person can walk this road..... that is me.... and i have to do it sooner or later.... so i have decided.... stop procrastinating.... and make it sooner rather then later.... i have my target set for 6 months.... and so i am pushing myself hard for that target.... and at the end of that time, i am hoping to be a much better person..... but i really wanna make this a major change in my life.... not just a short term thing.... and after just one week, i feel better about myself already... as far as other aspects of my life go, i have finally found happiness amongst mates.... i am finally at peace with myself.... and i enjoy my life now as compared to before... i am finally enjoying the freedom of not having to answer to anyone.... no more restrictions.... i LOVE IT!!!

thank you god for doing all you have done for me..... and most important of all.... a BIG thank you to all of my friends for being there for me through my really rough time.... i dont know where i would be without you people...

New Light

As the past finally leaves my mind, a new light has emerged.... a light of hope.... a new person.... to treat the wounds of the one that passed.... but is this just another passer by or one that is gonna be here for a while?? only time will tell.....

the following morning......

ok, so i got really carried away last night.... down too much... got really happy... but hey, i had to do it.... atleast once.... and it was worth it..... i know it sounds hypocritical of me..... i know that alcohol is bad for you... but i had to do this.... even if it is to find out what certain people have in mind.... and now that i look back on it, i realised it.... something i should have seen coming all along.... but i got wrapped up in that bitch's talk.... but also, i am no longer sad about it.... i just regret ever meeting such people.... HELGA RAM KHOSLA YOU WILL NEVER WALK INTO MY LIFE EVER AGAIN....... so, lessons learned..... words dont mean anything..... actions dont matter..... motives matter.... thank you god, for getting rid of such people from my life.... and i had to get myself totally out of control but still aware of myself to find that out.... and i would do it again.... because a drunk person never lies.... doesnt hold back on emotions.... a drunk person tells you the truth..... and its about time i started surrounding myself with people that are with me for all the right reasons....

Lastly but not the least..... i would like to thank Bruce and Dori Bubbles..... thank you guys.... for being the light of my life.... thanks guys for being there for me....

cross roads

here i am at a fork in the road once more.... not a literal one.... a metaphorical one. looking back, i seee that the past has repeated itself.... only difference is different face, different name.... however, having said that, there are one of two things i can do about it.... either be really bitter about it for the rest of my life and make the next girl's life really miserable or i can take a latter option.... an option that is much darker..... this latter option has a catch to it though.... the goods are great.... and the downside is that it misses one of the most essentials for a quality life.... mind you from the past i have seen how good it can be.... this missing bit..... and i also know how bad it can be... a time of change is well overdue... and this one is a biggie.... i can tell.... but will it work?? will it truly be a better life for me?? i guess we will just have to find out.... experimentation, here i come.....

the pre NZ times

ever since joining orkut, i have been running into people i havent seen ever since i left india.... what amazes me even more is that they still recognise me..... mind you, my memories of those days are not the sharpest of all... but that dont mean i dont remember any of them.... there are a few flashes and a few faces seem vaguely familiar.... but then again, a lot has happened since then.... a lot has changed.... from being just another indian with hopes and dreams of going overseas to another country of "gora" people to actually being here.... from a time when lots of people thought that india was going nowhere to india leading the world over US in many ways.... times certainly have changed..... but the memories still remain.... and now after all these years, its good to finally rediscover those times..... its like a sort of a puzzle..... a massive puzzle that you are putting together once more after such a long time.... so long that you have forgotten most of it.... a couple of pieces seem vaguely familiar.... but the rest is unknown all over again.... its so much fun.... this is gonna be fun all over again.... i can almost feel it... lol...

update on Mr firangi

Warning: the character names in this entry bear no resemblence to any such people with those names. it is used merely in the purpose of story telling. the author accepts no responsibility to any persons living or dead to whom this story may resemble.

right.... kesu...... my good old buddy Mr kesu firangi.... lets just say that the prospect of a woman has swayed him from his ways.... even if it is temporarily. but then again, with kesu, some progress is better than none..... as far as kesu goes, he is all wrapped up with his new task at hand. but while he is too busy trying to woo his future Mrs firangi, i have still not lost sight of my purpose.... as long as he is no longer involved in these dodgy dealings, i am fine with it. so well done to mr kesu firangi. may you and your (hopefull) future be happy. keep it up buddy, and soon you will rid yourself of an addicts behaviour. proud of you man... :) :)

An addict's behaviour

Warning: the character names in this entry bear no resemblence to any such people with those names. it is used merely in the purpose of story telling. the author accepts no responsibility to any persons living or dead to whom this story may resemble.


This is a an entry that is about two friends of mine. Kesu Firangi and Damodhar Pathan. both these people have a problem. they are engaged in illegal practices.... and the people they are surrounded by are the type of people who think its ok to engage in such practices. almost to a point where they think its ok to take part in such practices. i have tried to reason with kesu and damodhar. try to make them see the error in their ways. but they refuse to accept the facts. thinking that it is the society who is flawed in the ways of their thinking.... it is to a point where reasoning is almost not working..... this is where i ask you faithful readers for your opinions. i need suggestions on the way to deal with such people. make them see the error in their ways.... help them realise that it is harmful to take part in such practices. help me help kesu and damodhar see the harm they cause to themselves. help them see the reasonings.... help them see the facts for exactly what they are.... hard evidential proof...... help..... i would much appreciate it.

tu hi meri shab hai

tu hi meri shab hai subha hai tu hi din hai mera
tu hi mera rab hai jahaan hai tu hi meri duniya
tu waqt mere liye main hoon tera lamha
kaise rahega bhala hoke tu mujhse judaa

aankhon se padhke tujhe dil pe maine likha
tu ban gaya hai mere jeene ki ek wajah
ho aankhon se padhke tujhe dil pe maine likha
tu ban gaya hai mere jeene ki ek wajah
teri hasi teri adaa auron se hai bilkul judaa

aankhen teri shabnami chehra tera aaina
tu hai udaasi bhari koi haseen dastaan
ho aankhen teri shabnami chehra tera aaina
tu hai udaasi bhari koi haseen dastaan
dil mein hai kya kuchh toh bata
kyon hai bhala khud se khafa

tu hi meri shab hai subha hai tu hi din hai mera
tu hi mera rab hai jahaan hai tu hi meri duniya
tu waqt mere liye main hoon tera lamha
kaise rahega bhala hoke tu mujhse judaa

Linkin Park "What I've Done"

In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For What I’ve Done

I start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.


Forgiving What I’ve Done.

Days go by

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin

You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feeling as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within

Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin

You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feeling as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within

Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you


Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Without you

changes

due to a post published on this blog, i find that it upsets a lot of people..... coz its aimed at them..... and that person seems to think that i am bitching about them..... for this reason, i have had to pull that post from this blog..... and for that exact reason, i have decided to introduce a few new changes to the way i write things.... unfortunately, i cannot tell you what these changes are gonna be.... but be sure that only those that are REALLY REALLY close to me MIGHT know who some posts will be aimed at.... this should be fun..... lol

Linkin Park's new album

last night, while i was just surfing the net, i came across something that sent me over the moon..... Linkin Park is releasing a BRAND NEW ALBUM!!!!! thats great....... finally new original linkin park stuff........ the last album they released (collision course with jay z) was frankly a bit of a disappointment..... and for 6 tracks..... it was a waste of the $32 i paid for it. but this new album, linkin park has taken its old stereotypes and ripped them up..... according to wikipedia.org, they are going in a completely new direction. i heard the new track called what ive done..... and man.... i am definately buying this album when it comes out on may 14th..... was in late 2005..... since then, mike shinoda has gone and done his thing with fort minor...... but the linkin park guys are back now with this new album titled "minutes to midnight"..... and with tight security at the album's prelistening session in Kaula Lumpur, its guaranteed that this is one album that i am DEFINATELY buying..... only about a month and a half to go before it comes out in stores....... i can barely wait

the truth be known

today, thanks to a few friends of mine.... i now know the truth..... the actual version of what happened.... all this while while i wasnt there.... i now know exactly what she was like.... the girl i thought i knew.... she was just a girl in disguise.... but now i know her truth..... and the more i think about it.... the more i am starting to hate her.... the more glad i am that she is out of my life.... for good.... coz she cause me all this pain..... and the one thing i never wanted myself to become... she caused me anger..... but i suppose thats the price you pay when you wear your heart out on your sleeve.... well..... it all makes sense now.... everything.... including why things that happened actually happened.... she thought she was so clever to have me all fooled.... have me all caught up in those promises of hers.... well.... its all known now.... and now that i do know.... i have learned my lesson..... she will NEVER set a foot in my life..... never again....

thanks gagan and deepi.... you guys opened my eyes up to all those things...

Sankalp

times are changing

some people really close to me at some point during my life have always said, "Sankalp, you have changed"..... and up until now, i have been denying it.... saying no.... i am still the same old me.... but i was thinking today.... thinking back to how times have changed..... how my thinking has changed.... from that little boy who had just started year 9 at roskill to now.... a second year BE student.... its been over 6 years now.... and although i would like to think that i am the same old me, lets face it, i am not.... it scares me how much my thinking has changed.... the times have changed as well.... back in 2000, when i finished year 8, i remember something that used to be so scary.... i was the only indian guy in all of year 8 in my school.... and that was scary.... but times have changed a lot.... from a school of 200, i moved to a school of 2000.... and now to a university of 20000... i used to hate myself in year 8...... it stayed like that even when i started year 9 at roskill.... i used to hate myself coz i was indian.... and i didnt fit in with all the white kids.... now i am trying to go back..... back to my indian self.... finding that 11 year old buried somewhere inside of me... its hard..... coz in this process, i have become something that neither my indian self nor my wanna fit in with the white self recognises... its something totally new.... when these changes happened, no one knows..... not even me... i have given up trying to figure it out... i have gone back to liking hindi music.... but i still love rock.... i have been in NZ for a long time now..... yet for some reason, my heart yearns for india.... and i know for a fact that when i get there, i probably will be a bit disapppointed... coz its not the same place that it used to be back when i was there..... and what i want is what india used to be like 10 years ago... at the same time, the prospect of what life would have been like had i been in india does intrigue me... but here is the weird part..... i prefer watching rugby over cricket..... i support all blacks over the indian cricket team (partly because of their disappointing performance in the world cup)... but at the same time, i am still proud to be an indian.... its all so confusing.... and after this recent break down of my inner self..... i am starting to find new sides of me..... life has a whole new perspective for me.... fresh colours.... fresh ideas..... fresh rules.... new opportunities.... and best of all.... a more relaxed self.... the pain is starting to subside..... i have begun to rebuild myself.... and once i finish..... i will be a totally new sankalp to what i was a year ago..... the idea of leaving this place and moving away forever no longer scares me.... but its a plesant idea.... my life now is like brushing with a new broom.... its something i never saw coming.... but after all, it is mine....

process of recovery

its been a week or two now. and things are getting a lot easier to deal with now then they were to being with. looking back, i can tell you that she has been the only best and the worst thing that has happened to me so far. best for showing me all those great times we had and worst for how weak she left me feeling when she left. but its all on the recovery process now. it will take time no doubt. but it will happen. the pain and the numbness will go away. the feeling of heavy heartedness. it will go away... soon. but in the meanwhile, all i can do is rough it out. what else can i do?? its as if i brought it upon myself. there is a saying which goes something like this: "you dont know what you got till its gone." well, it is so damm true. but then again, it had to happen soon anyways, i was a fool to think that something was gonna work out between me and her. as of now, i am just concentrating on going back to my old self.... being single..... and all the freedoms and restrictions that come with it. i keep telling myself that one day, this will pass..... lets just hope it comes true....

a new beginning

time for a fresh start i guess..... helena has left now..... for good this time..... and i have also decided on something..... i did something which no doubt i will regret MAJORLY in the next coming months. but the pieces are set and the play is now in motion. there is no turning back now. call me a taurean but i am bloody stubborn. i set my mind on that one thing.... and to hell with the consequences and the rest of the world..... i did it.... and i feel a whole lot better now. its all gone. there is no holding back now. there is no dead weight. but along with the disappearance of that weight, it took a part of me with it. there is nothing there now. its a void. its doesnt exist..... and i am not in a particular hurry to fill that void..... but here is something that pisses me off..... when you give someone something, be it a best friend or a stranger, out of courtesy, you always thank the person.... its almost rude not to. but rather than thanking me, all i get in return is "sorry, i cannot accept it." now this is coming from someone who gave me a lot of sh*t about this thing.... had to fight her endlessly for hours to convince her to wait... and now that i did give it to her, she tells me she cant accept it..... well, to hell with that.... she is taking it.... i dont care how she does it... but i am not taking it back..... this was on friday 23rd of march 2007. since then, india got beaten by sri lanka and got knocked out of the world cup and blues won against the waratahs in eden park. life moves on. i am finding it a bit difficult and very depressive at times to move on..... but i am getting there. and along the way, all the gujju jokes and being called a "tsunami victim" by your friends doesnt always help. yes gagan, this one is meant for you..... but hey, it lifts the mood up and takes my mind off things.... but now i have made my mind up...... no more running after her and apologising for my mistakes..... coz i dont want any more doors shut in my face..... and i am sure as hell not gonna let my self esteem suffer to make someone else feel better.... i am my own man now. she knows i am here if she wants to talk.... but that doesnt mean the chase starts as soon as she says hi.... i have my plans set in my mind.... i know where i want to be a year from now. what i want to look like and what my financial goals are. those are all the things that matter now. gagan was right.... only the heart is stupid enough to love.... and a girl whose love comes from her mind does not truly love you. this has helped..... now i know what i want in my perfect girl. the list has started. i know this depression will pass..... and it will take time.... i would like to finish this entry off with a quote from david gemmell.
"Men must face what they fear or be destroyed by it."

from the legend of the deathwalker.


i was afraid to live my life without her...... but now i am......

until next time....

Sankalp

the memories continue........

all hope is lost...... i just dont know what to do anymore. it seems like i have lost all interestes in everything but my work. i bunked lectures again today. i just cannot face those memories. even my room is filled with them. looks like this whole me being alone in the house is making it worse. but hey, atleast work is good. it gives me a reason to get myself out of this isolation. gives me a reason to go out and socialise. its at times like these that you really appreciate the friends you have. it helps to get your mind off things. it helps to take the painfull memories away. when you live in a house full of these memories, it is a great relief to take the burden away. but it is only for a little while and sure enough, they do return when i am alone in these places. i can feel it weighing down on me. i am neither here nor there. i just dont wanna live anymore.

i cannot bring myself to forget her.....

today has been a terrible day..... i cannot do this..... this was the exact reason i didnt go to uni yesterday..... its those memories...... and today has been the worst. every single place i go..... it haunts me..... she doesnt love me..... and yet thought and memories of her wont leave me either. cannot even bring myself to look in the mirror anymore. every single moment today has made me wish i was dead. its everything around me...... every bit of it reminds me of her.... like the brown t shirt i am wearing today.... used to be her favorite..... even the sacred computer labs on level 3.... the access card form with her writing in it.... they all make me wish i got shot or run over or had a heart attack and died instantly... i really want to die..... i know it sounds selfish.... but thats just how i feel.... its the easy way out.... the cowardly way.... but what else can i do.... i tried to hide it from the outside world..... but even that doesnt work anymore...

if anyone has a better idea, let me know......

a liar is a liar is a liar

far out.... i am a mess..... you ever go and screw up something that means the world to you?? i have..... i have gone and screwed it all up..... possibly forever.... i dont know what to do..... i have driven her away forever and this is all my fault. a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie. even a little lie is a lie.... and lying never does anyone any good... all it does is make babies cry. how do you convince someone who thinks you are a full time liar?? i know i shouldnt have done what i did...... but yet i did it anyways...... and i screwed it all up when i told her the truth..... and now she is gone.... i dont feel like doing anything now..... i didnt even go to uni today.... my only salvation is work.... the only place she hasnt been.... the only place where there are no memories of her being there.... and ill admit it.... seeing shots of her with another guy's arms around her burns me from the inside. makes me wish i was dead. i am afraid to even open up a MSN convo window with her....... i cant even look at photos of her anymore.... coz i know i will lose it..... i will end up a mess of tears if i do..... but right here behind me is the book she returned to me.... with a rose and a pic inside.... my favorite book of all time.... david gemmell.... i am trying.... but i cannot stop thinking about what i did to her..... i cannot possibly move on.... not now.... not ever..... not after what i did to her.... and this is all my fault.... she has every right to blame me.... every right to leave me..... but that doesnt mean that its all gone.... that its all forgotten.... this is what i came up with for her..... based on the same tune to the song by hoobastank- the reason
"i am sorry that i hurt you.
i never meant for it to be this way.
and now i have lost you.
i wish there was something i could say,
that would (take) all this hurt and this pain away.
and bring you back to me.
but now i see that its too late.
i hope you have a happy life.
without me next to you.
without me hurting you.
without me loving you.
the life you always wanted,
looks like your wish did come true.
a life in which ill be missing you.
but all i can say is that i am sorry for lying to you."

but she still thinks i am a liar..............

a blast from the past

ok, so a few days ago, at the insistance of varun, i finnaly started up my orkut profile..... and tonight while i wait for matlab 7 to install, i thought i would just go and browse orkut for a while.... and of all the people, guess who i decided to search..... my old friends from AG. munjal and jinay. now i had been trying to find these guys on hi5 for months now.... but finally gave up a fruitless search. i was starting to think that they had completely disappeared off the face of this earth and all they will remain is a memory from the past. but i found them.... and jinay still looks pretty much the same as i remember him..... but its so good to be back in touch with those guys.... i use to hango ut with those guys at school back when i was 10 or 11..... last time i saw them was when i was 14..... so yea.... its been a long time since i last kept in touch with either of them.... but i finally found them.... YAY!!!

decisions

This has been one screwed up day. Everything thats gone wrong has. What is one person to do when his entire world comes to a crashing halt?? You pick up the pieces and put it back together. No matter what the cost. Its so screwed up that i dont even want to think on it. On the other hand, today i was with my dad the whole day helping him out with a job at an office. That gave me a good opportunity to have a talk with him about future business opportunities and the possible implications of such a business venture. But at the moment its gonna be a bit tough juggling a full-time job and a business. But nothing in this life is ever convenient. But lets see if this will work out in the first place before we get into too much details about it. The pay will sure as hell be a tad bit better. but then again, with a business venture such as this one, the capital required is a sizeable amount. but then again, the rewards are just as good as well. lets see what 2moro has in store.

reader input

here is a question to all you readers out there.......... how can you tell if someone is messing with your head and your heart?? how can you tell when you are being suckered into something?? how can you tell when someone is toying with your emotions for their own joy?? how can you get out of it??

The dark time

right now i am sitting here at my comp.... my head in my hands.... just staring at the keyboard. There is so much to say, yet there are no words to describe it. There are so many emotions, yet i cant express them to her.... There is only one question, yet she cant answer it. There is only one thing i want. but that is the one thing she never understands. the minute it happened, my inner self started eroding away. i didnt notice it at first. but as the true implications started sinking in, as i realised exactly what it meant, it caught me off guard. i certainly did not anticipate this... this cannot be happening.... yet it is... i did not want this to happen... yet i could do nothing to stop it from happening when it did happen... and with each passing moment, its turning more and more of my insides into a rock. just a dead weight. it doesnt speak to me anymore like it used to. it doesnt respond when i ask it a question. i dont even know if it is alive anymore or not. my only sanctuary is my head in my hands staring at nothing in particular. just staring at whats infront of me. its gonna be this way until things go back to normal. until she is back with me. until we are happy together once more. but in the event that this does not happen, then i dont know what i would do. this is certainly something that i cannot prepare for no matter how much time i have. i feel mad. i feel sad. i feel angry. i feel...... what is this i feel..... i cannot describe it. but its there.... OH TRUST ME!!! ITS DEFINATELY THERE!!! i have a feeling that my stubbornness have made things even worse. and i am admitting to myself that i am wrong. but i wont admit it to her. i cannot.... i dont know why, but i just cant. call it being egoistic. call it stupidity. call it whatever you want. but i just cant admit it to her. i can agree to it if she points it out. but i just wont admit it.

The way i see it, i have two options. i can either be really sad and miserable about it, or i can celebrate it. but i choose the first option. knowing full well of all the choices i have. why am i sad?? because i have hurt someone i love more than i love myself to the point of no return. and this has cost me dearly. 13 days is a lifetime apart. every second is driving me insane. every second makes me want to do something really painful and stupid to end this misery. the clock is still ticking away...... and i still love her. despite all that has happened, i still love her. i still need her and i will always love her till the moment i take my last breath before my eternal sleep. and if i lose her due to this, i will only blame one person. me. and i will hate this person for the rest of my life.

i HATE ME ALREADY!!!

Summary of 2006 part 2

so, to conclude the first part and to finally sum up an entire year..... thats 365 days of my life, well, lets just say that this year has had its ups and downs...... but all in all, its been a good year.... not just good, GREAT!!! But every year has a new challenge. so this year has a lot in store. i already got my countdown timer running. right now it says its exactly 357 days 23 hours and 21 mins till the end of 2007. anyways, something funny i noticed, 2 people have stuck to me solid this year...... these two people are truly special to me because they are not my family but they are the next best thing. Firstly ofcourse, there is my beloved Helena..... for some reason, i mention her in almost anything.... you noticed that?? lol.... anyways, helena was the first one to wish me a new year last year and she was the first one to this year as well... and then, there is Maha..... my GANDU partner in crime.... :P anyways, they have stuck solid to me this entire past year..... the work xmas party was awesome..... Said my manager got drunk pretty quick... lol.... and overall, it was a great night... but a year gone is a year gone.... lets see what this one has in store.