a liar is a liar is a liar

far out.... i am a mess..... you ever go and screw up something that means the world to you?? i have..... i have gone and screwed it all up..... possibly forever.... i dont know what to do..... i have driven her away forever and this is all my fault. a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie. even a little lie is a lie.... and lying never does anyone any good... all it does is make babies cry. how do you convince someone who thinks you are a full time liar?? i know i shouldnt have done what i did...... but yet i did it anyways...... and i screwed it all up when i told her the truth..... and now she is gone.... i dont feel like doing anything now..... i didnt even go to uni today.... my only salvation is work.... the only place she hasnt been.... the only place where there are no memories of her being there.... and ill admit it.... seeing shots of her with another guy's arms around her burns me from the inside. makes me wish i was dead. i am afraid to even open up a MSN convo window with her....... i cant even look at photos of her anymore.... coz i know i will lose it..... i will end up a mess of tears if i do..... but right here behind me is the book she returned to me.... with a rose and a pic inside.... my favorite book of all time.... david gemmell.... i am trying.... but i cannot stop thinking about what i did to her..... i cannot possibly move on.... not now.... not ever..... not after what i did to her.... and this is all my fault.... she has every right to blame me.... every right to leave me..... but that doesnt mean that its all gone.... that its all forgotten.... this is what i came up with for her..... based on the same tune to the song by hoobastank- the reason
"i am sorry that i hurt you.
i never meant for it to be this way.
and now i have lost you.
i wish there was something i could say,
that would (take) all this hurt and this pain away.
and bring you back to me.
but now i see that its too late.
i hope you have a happy life.
without me next to you.
without me hurting you.
without me loving you.
the life you always wanted,
looks like your wish did come true.
a life in which ill be missing you.
but all i can say is that i am sorry for lying to you."

but she still thinks i am a liar..............