New Light

As the past finally leaves my mind, a new light has emerged.... a light of hope.... a new person.... to treat the wounds of the one that passed.... but is this just another passer by or one that is gonna be here for a while?? only time will tell.....

the following morning......

ok, so i got really carried away last night.... down too much... got really happy... but hey, i had to do it.... atleast once.... and it was worth it..... i know it sounds hypocritical of me..... i know that alcohol is bad for you... but i had to do this.... even if it is to find out what certain people have in mind.... and now that i look back on it, i realised it.... something i should have seen coming all along.... but i got wrapped up in that bitch's talk.... but also, i am no longer sad about it.... i just regret ever meeting such people.... HELGA RAM KHOSLA YOU WILL NEVER WALK INTO MY LIFE EVER AGAIN....... so, lessons learned..... words dont mean anything..... actions dont matter..... motives matter.... thank you god, for getting rid of such people from my life.... and i had to get myself totally out of control but still aware of myself to find that out.... and i would do it again.... because a drunk person never lies.... doesnt hold back on emotions.... a drunk person tells you the truth..... and its about time i started surrounding myself with people that are with me for all the right reasons....

Lastly but not the least..... i would like to thank Bruce and Dori Bubbles..... thank you guys.... for being the light of my life.... thanks guys for being there for me....

cross roads

here i am at a fork in the road once more.... not a literal one.... a metaphorical one. looking back, i seee that the past has repeated itself.... only difference is different face, different name.... however, having said that, there are one of two things i can do about it.... either be really bitter about it for the rest of my life and make the next girl's life really miserable or i can take a latter option.... an option that is much darker..... this latter option has a catch to it though.... the goods are great.... and the downside is that it misses one of the most essentials for a quality life.... mind you from the past i have seen how good it can be.... this missing bit..... and i also know how bad it can be... a time of change is well overdue... and this one is a biggie.... i can tell.... but will it work?? will it truly be a better life for me?? i guess we will just have to find out.... experimentation, here i come.....

the pre NZ times

ever since joining orkut, i have been running into people i havent seen ever since i left india.... what amazes me even more is that they still recognise me..... mind you, my memories of those days are not the sharpest of all... but that dont mean i dont remember any of them.... there are a few flashes and a few faces seem vaguely familiar.... but then again, a lot has happened since then.... a lot has changed.... from being just another indian with hopes and dreams of going overseas to another country of "gora" people to actually being here.... from a time when lots of people thought that india was going nowhere to india leading the world over US in many ways.... times certainly have changed..... but the memories still remain.... and now after all these years, its good to finally rediscover those times..... its like a sort of a puzzle..... a massive puzzle that you are putting together once more after such a long time.... so long that you have forgotten most of it.... a couple of pieces seem vaguely familiar.... but the rest is unknown all over again.... its so much fun.... this is gonna be fun all over again.... i can almost feel it... lol...

update on Mr firangi

Warning: the character names in this entry bear no resemblence to any such people with those names. it is used merely in the purpose of story telling. the author accepts no responsibility to any persons living or dead to whom this story may resemble.

right.... kesu...... my good old buddy Mr kesu firangi.... lets just say that the prospect of a woman has swayed him from his ways.... even if it is temporarily. but then again, with kesu, some progress is better than none..... as far as kesu goes, he is all wrapped up with his new task at hand. but while he is too busy trying to woo his future Mrs firangi, i have still not lost sight of my purpose.... as long as he is no longer involved in these dodgy dealings, i am fine with it. so well done to mr kesu firangi. may you and your (hopefull) future be happy. keep it up buddy, and soon you will rid yourself of an addicts behaviour. proud of you man... :) :)

An addict's behaviour

Warning: the character names in this entry bear no resemblence to any such people with those names. it is used merely in the purpose of story telling. the author accepts no responsibility to any persons living or dead to whom this story may resemble.


This is a an entry that is about two friends of mine. Kesu Firangi and Damodhar Pathan. both these people have a problem. they are engaged in illegal practices.... and the people they are surrounded by are the type of people who think its ok to engage in such practices. almost to a point where they think its ok to take part in such practices. i have tried to reason with kesu and damodhar. try to make them see the error in their ways. but they refuse to accept the facts. thinking that it is the society who is flawed in the ways of their thinking.... it is to a point where reasoning is almost not working..... this is where i ask you faithful readers for your opinions. i need suggestions on the way to deal with such people. make them see the error in their ways.... help them realise that it is harmful to take part in such practices. help me help kesu and damodhar see the harm they cause to themselves. help them see the reasonings.... help them see the facts for exactly what they are.... hard evidential proof...... help..... i would much appreciate it.

tu hi meri shab hai

tu hi meri shab hai subha hai tu hi din hai mera
tu hi mera rab hai jahaan hai tu hi meri duniya
tu waqt mere liye main hoon tera lamha
kaise rahega bhala hoke tu mujhse judaa

aankhon se padhke tujhe dil pe maine likha
tu ban gaya hai mere jeene ki ek wajah
ho aankhon se padhke tujhe dil pe maine likha
tu ban gaya hai mere jeene ki ek wajah
teri hasi teri adaa auron se hai bilkul judaa

aankhen teri shabnami chehra tera aaina
tu hai udaasi bhari koi haseen dastaan
ho aankhen teri shabnami chehra tera aaina
tu hai udaasi bhari koi haseen dastaan
dil mein hai kya kuchh toh bata
kyon hai bhala khud se khafa

tu hi meri shab hai subha hai tu hi din hai mera
tu hi mera rab hai jahaan hai tu hi meri duniya
tu waqt mere liye main hoon tera lamha
kaise rahega bhala hoke tu mujhse judaa

Linkin Park "What I've Done"

In this farewell,
There’s no blood,
There’s no alibi.
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

Put to rest,
What you thought of me.
While I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty.

So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done.
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.

For What I’ve Done

I start again,
And whatever pain may come.
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done.

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become.
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done.
What I’ve done.


Forgiving What I’ve Done.

Days go by

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin

You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feeling as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within

Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feeling at my fingertips
That's pulling at my skin

You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feeling as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within

Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you


Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Days go by and still I think of you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Without you

changes

due to a post published on this blog, i find that it upsets a lot of people..... coz its aimed at them..... and that person seems to think that i am bitching about them..... for this reason, i have had to pull that post from this blog..... and for that exact reason, i have decided to introduce a few new changes to the way i write things.... unfortunately, i cannot tell you what these changes are gonna be.... but be sure that only those that are REALLY REALLY close to me MIGHT know who some posts will be aimed at.... this should be fun..... lol

Linkin Park's new album

last night, while i was just surfing the net, i came across something that sent me over the moon..... Linkin Park is releasing a BRAND NEW ALBUM!!!!! thats great....... finally new original linkin park stuff........ the last album they released (collision course with jay z) was frankly a bit of a disappointment..... and for 6 tracks..... it was a waste of the $32 i paid for it. but this new album, linkin park has taken its old stereotypes and ripped them up..... according to wikipedia.org, they are going in a completely new direction. i heard the new track called what ive done..... and man.... i am definately buying this album when it comes out on may 14th..... was in late 2005..... since then, mike shinoda has gone and done his thing with fort minor...... but the linkin park guys are back now with this new album titled "minutes to midnight"..... and with tight security at the album's prelistening session in Kaula Lumpur, its guaranteed that this is one album that i am DEFINATELY buying..... only about a month and a half to go before it comes out in stores....... i can barely wait

the truth be known

today, thanks to a few friends of mine.... i now know the truth..... the actual version of what happened.... all this while while i wasnt there.... i now know exactly what she was like.... the girl i thought i knew.... she was just a girl in disguise.... but now i know her truth..... and the more i think about it.... the more i am starting to hate her.... the more glad i am that she is out of my life.... for good.... coz she cause me all this pain..... and the one thing i never wanted myself to become... she caused me anger..... but i suppose thats the price you pay when you wear your heart out on your sleeve.... well..... it all makes sense now.... everything.... including why things that happened actually happened.... she thought she was so clever to have me all fooled.... have me all caught up in those promises of hers.... well.... its all known now.... and now that i do know.... i have learned my lesson..... she will NEVER set a foot in my life..... never again....

thanks gagan and deepi.... you guys opened my eyes up to all those things...

Sankalp

times are changing

some people really close to me at some point during my life have always said, "Sankalp, you have changed"..... and up until now, i have been denying it.... saying no.... i am still the same old me.... but i was thinking today.... thinking back to how times have changed..... how my thinking has changed.... from that little boy who had just started year 9 at roskill to now.... a second year BE student.... its been over 6 years now.... and although i would like to think that i am the same old me, lets face it, i am not.... it scares me how much my thinking has changed.... the times have changed as well.... back in 2000, when i finished year 8, i remember something that used to be so scary.... i was the only indian guy in all of year 8 in my school.... and that was scary.... but times have changed a lot.... from a school of 200, i moved to a school of 2000.... and now to a university of 20000... i used to hate myself in year 8...... it stayed like that even when i started year 9 at roskill.... i used to hate myself coz i was indian.... and i didnt fit in with all the white kids.... now i am trying to go back..... back to my indian self.... finding that 11 year old buried somewhere inside of me... its hard..... coz in this process, i have become something that neither my indian self nor my wanna fit in with the white self recognises... its something totally new.... when these changes happened, no one knows..... not even me... i have given up trying to figure it out... i have gone back to liking hindi music.... but i still love rock.... i have been in NZ for a long time now..... yet for some reason, my heart yearns for india.... and i know for a fact that when i get there, i probably will be a bit disapppointed... coz its not the same place that it used to be back when i was there..... and what i want is what india used to be like 10 years ago... at the same time, the prospect of what life would have been like had i been in india does intrigue me... but here is the weird part..... i prefer watching rugby over cricket..... i support all blacks over the indian cricket team (partly because of their disappointing performance in the world cup)... but at the same time, i am still proud to be an indian.... its all so confusing.... and after this recent break down of my inner self..... i am starting to find new sides of me..... life has a whole new perspective for me.... fresh colours.... fresh ideas..... fresh rules.... new opportunities.... and best of all.... a more relaxed self.... the pain is starting to subside..... i have begun to rebuild myself.... and once i finish..... i will be a totally new sankalp to what i was a year ago..... the idea of leaving this place and moving away forever no longer scares me.... but its a plesant idea.... my life now is like brushing with a new broom.... its something i never saw coming.... but after all, it is mine....