decisions

This has been one screwed up day. Everything thats gone wrong has. What is one person to do when his entire world comes to a crashing halt?? You pick up the pieces and put it back together. No matter what the cost. Its so screwed up that i dont even want to think on it. On the other hand, today i was with my dad the whole day helping him out with a job at an office. That gave me a good opportunity to have a talk with him about future business opportunities and the possible implications of such a business venture. But at the moment its gonna be a bit tough juggling a full-time job and a business. But nothing in this life is ever convenient. But lets see if this will work out in the first place before we get into too much details about it. The pay will sure as hell be a tad bit better. but then again, with a business venture such as this one, the capital required is a sizeable amount. but then again, the rewards are just as good as well. lets see what 2moro has in store.

reader input

here is a question to all you readers out there.......... how can you tell if someone is messing with your head and your heart?? how can you tell when you are being suckered into something?? how can you tell when someone is toying with your emotions for their own joy?? how can you get out of it??

The dark time

right now i am sitting here at my comp.... my head in my hands.... just staring at the keyboard. There is so much to say, yet there are no words to describe it. There are so many emotions, yet i cant express them to her.... There is only one question, yet she cant answer it. There is only one thing i want. but that is the one thing she never understands. the minute it happened, my inner self started eroding away. i didnt notice it at first. but as the true implications started sinking in, as i realised exactly what it meant, it caught me off guard. i certainly did not anticipate this... this cannot be happening.... yet it is... i did not want this to happen... yet i could do nothing to stop it from happening when it did happen... and with each passing moment, its turning more and more of my insides into a rock. just a dead weight. it doesnt speak to me anymore like it used to. it doesnt respond when i ask it a question. i dont even know if it is alive anymore or not. my only sanctuary is my head in my hands staring at nothing in particular. just staring at whats infront of me. its gonna be this way until things go back to normal. until she is back with me. until we are happy together once more. but in the event that this does not happen, then i dont know what i would do. this is certainly something that i cannot prepare for no matter how much time i have. i feel mad. i feel sad. i feel angry. i feel...... what is this i feel..... i cannot describe it. but its there.... OH TRUST ME!!! ITS DEFINATELY THERE!!! i have a feeling that my stubbornness have made things even worse. and i am admitting to myself that i am wrong. but i wont admit it to her. i cannot.... i dont know why, but i just cant. call it being egoistic. call it stupidity. call it whatever you want. but i just cant admit it to her. i can agree to it if she points it out. but i just wont admit it.

The way i see it, i have two options. i can either be really sad and miserable about it, or i can celebrate it. but i choose the first option. knowing full well of all the choices i have. why am i sad?? because i have hurt someone i love more than i love myself to the point of no return. and this has cost me dearly. 13 days is a lifetime apart. every second is driving me insane. every second makes me want to do something really painful and stupid to end this misery. the clock is still ticking away...... and i still love her. despite all that has happened, i still love her. i still need her and i will always love her till the moment i take my last breath before my eternal sleep. and if i lose her due to this, i will only blame one person. me. and i will hate this person for the rest of my life.

i HATE ME ALREADY!!!

Summary of 2006 part 2

so, to conclude the first part and to finally sum up an entire year..... thats 365 days of my life, well, lets just say that this year has had its ups and downs...... but all in all, its been a good year.... not just good, GREAT!!! But every year has a new challenge. so this year has a lot in store. i already got my countdown timer running. right now it says its exactly 357 days 23 hours and 21 mins till the end of 2007. anyways, something funny i noticed, 2 people have stuck to me solid this year...... these two people are truly special to me because they are not my family but they are the next best thing. Firstly ofcourse, there is my beloved Helena..... for some reason, i mention her in almost anything.... you noticed that?? lol.... anyways, helena was the first one to wish me a new year last year and she was the first one to this year as well... and then, there is Maha..... my GANDU partner in crime.... :P anyways, they have stuck solid to me this entire past year..... the work xmas party was awesome..... Said my manager got drunk pretty quick... lol.... and overall, it was a great night... but a year gone is a year gone.... lets see what this one has in store.

summary of 2006 part 1

First of all:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAAN!!!!

So as time flows, another year comes to an end. The year of 2006. This year has certainly had its ups and downs. To think that exactly one year ago, a random girl by the name of HelenaRaj added me on hi5. I had no idea who she was. This time last year, i was working at subway asking people what salads they wanted on their six inch. lol. All i did was stay home and play Yahoo pool. I had locked myself into isolation. I was still uncertain about what this year had in store for me. Hell, i didnt even know how i did in my NCEA level 3. I had isolated myself from everything else. My only reason to leave home was to go to work. Man a lot has changed in the past 365 days.

This year saw the passing of a world icon. The tragic death of Steve Irwin shocked us all..... even people who didnt know of him that well were affected in some small way by his death and people did everything in their own way of mourn his passing......

This year also wasnt such a good year for Richard Hammond from Top Gear either. while doing some filming for top gear, he managed to have a high speed crash at nearly 450KM/H. This saw Top Gear on the brink of extinction and Richard Hammond in the ICU on the verge of death itself. The fate of top gear still rests unknown and Richard has known to be doing just fine except for an unusual addiction to celery!!!!

But hey the world still goes around and with the passing of this year, it makes all of us realise that time truly waits for no one. As far as my life goes, well lets just say that its been filled with its moment. its had its ups and its DEFINATELY had its downs. ill admit, it aint exactly been the best of years for me, but whether i like it or not, it has happened and there is no changing it.

This year has seen a lot of people drift apart from my life..... partly due to my laziness of communication and partly coz of other reasons..... and i know that there is no justifying this.... its just happened.... but just like people have left my life, there have been many new faces as well....

Personal reflections:
Well, as far as my inner self goes, to be perfectly honest, i havent exactly been truly happy with myself.... and i have been doing other thing to put that out of my mind thinking that if i just avoid it long enough, it will go away.... but i realised that it wont.... and now i an paying the consequences for it. To tell you the truth, i am a bit pissed off at myself.... partly due to the fact that i just couldnt be bothered to do more to prevent it when i had the chance and partly because i wasnt that worried about it when i should have been..... There have been some things that i have been doubtful about throughout the year and as the year ends, i am even more unsure about it then ever... there is also something else thats been bugging me since last night.... and thats the big reason why i am up at 6:30 in the morning writing this.... coz usually, my day doesnt start till after 11:59AM. As far as my highlight of the year, it goes to that one and only person who i love so much.... even when she gives me hell..... lol.

Things to look forward to:
well, the 2011 Rugby world cup is almost here. but as far as looking forward to thing in the more recent future, well, there is always another year of unknown mysteries to look forward to. and also coming up in part 2 of this summary, which will be written earlier next year, RI XMAS PARTY: hype or an aweesone party??

Dont forget:
Well i am sure as the new year dawns upon us, it would be a good time for all of us to take a look within ourselves this year and see how well we did...... yes, i am talking about NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS!!! here is something for you folks to do by yourself. look within yourself and see how many of your new year's resolutions from 2006 you managed to keep... also while you are at it, 2007 is approaching fast and is just around the corner..... so make sure you give yourself enough time to write up a new list of resolutions for next year.... and use that time to ACTUALLY write the resolutions and dont just bum around..... lol..

Well, that brings us to an end for the year......
Just before i go, i would just like to say that whatever has happened has happened, there is no going back now.... all we do have is our present and the uncertainty of our future..... make the most of it now while you still can... because you never know... Kal ho na ho (there might be no 2moro).

also just before i go, jaan, if you are reading this, just remember, i love you......


adios people
see you on the other side
on behalf of me, a merry 2006 christmas and a happy new year

Sankalp Dave

adrenaline junkie

you ever have one of those days when you find out that you actually like something that you thought you hated?? i have. i had an impossible day today.... you know one of those when you have such a massive job to do in such a short time that it would be lucky of you if you actually made it. my job: two thermodynamics lab reports . the time i have: 10 am to 4:30 pm. yea.... 7 hours 30 mins. these are things that i was given 2 weeks to complete. but in true engineering fashion, i did it all at the last minute. for that time, i drove myself miserable just to make sure that i complete it and while i do it, i hate myself for leaving it so late. but secretly i enjoy it. i focused all my emotions on it... sadness, anger... it was all directed at that keyboard. linear expansion coeffecient and specific heat capacity. never have i zoned out of everything else just to concentrate on just that one task. its scary. coz in the past, i have been known to muck around at the last minute. thats what i have always been like. that too... on the last friday.... the last day before mid-semester break. when everybody is at vesbar getting drunk, i was in that computer lab on WS level 3 writing how the verneir calliper's uncertainty contributed the greatest amount to the linear expansion coefficient's overall uncertainty. 2.5%. and then as the dead line drew nearer, the pressure increased. but i still stuck to it. gave it my all.... and when i handed it in. i thanked god that roy nates still hadnt emptied his box. but after that..... it just felt hollow... i was still pumped up.... still in the "under stress, i need to work faster" mode. and driving home after that is not a good idea.... i was so tempted to just slam my foot on the accelarator and just blast all them cars out the way.... but i couldnt.... i had to resist..... this aint no video games.... the G forces are real. the accelaration is real. those are real people in those cars. and they still got people who love them. just coz i might have lost the love of my life does not mean that i have any right to takes theirs away as well.... but the way i am going right now, it seems like i have a death wish. ill jump off a cliff to my death right now if i have to. i am all charged up. i have too much inside of me to take out.... but i got nothing to take it out on but myself. oh well.... i guess it will pass....

time management 101 and the consequences of not managing time

Ok, now this all started two weeks into this semester. i was telling a mate of mine about how i had done motor control involving servos and stepper motors back in 7th and 6th form using microcontrollers. thats when this whole episode started. he asked me if i was willing to help him out with robodemo. my first reaction was HELL YEA!!! why wouldnt i?? i had always wanted to do this.... so i said yea sure... i would love to.... and then just out of interest, i asked him, when is the comp?? he said 2 weeks....... 2 WEEKS!!! to build a robot and win a compitition. thats impossible..... so since then, i have tried my best to get it to work.... but in the end, we just didnt have enough time, our robot was too heavy, the base was too flimsy and the wheels were too small.... so when we put the 2.5 KG lead acid batterry on the base, it just went concave on us and since the wheels werent big enough and neither did they have enough grip, all we got was constant wheels spin. now when you have such major problems 15 mins before compitition, you have no choice but to pull out. but hey, thats life.... you cant do anything about it at that point of time but pull out.... so thats what we did.... we knew about an hour before comp that we cant make it.... but we still tried.... tried till almost the last minute.... they say never give up even when all hope seems lost. but sometimes, its stupid to continue knowing full well you cant make it..... you cant do anything about it.... so you have to give up.... so we still went to the comp... to see what the other teams came up with.... and yea.... i learned a few lessons.... speed and weaponry is not all that is needed to win.... all you need to win is speed control and nose design.... so with valuable lessons learned, we start preparing for next year's competition and hopefully, we do better next time around.

it all goes horribly wrong

all of us have had days when we have a thing or two go wrong that ruins the day for us. but i guess i got the motherload of it in the last 24 hours. everything that can go wrong has gone wrong. why does fate hate me so much. it all started last night. i had a terrible arguement with my parents (nothing new there). i came online after that hoping that once i talk to my girl, all of the problems will just vanish away like they always do. so i went online.... and well.... that didnt happen.... in a nutshell, she told me to bugger off and leave her alone. so i went to sleep feeling really crappy. had a terrible night. i just couldnt sleep all night.... just kept on tossing and turning. even my dreams did not side with me. from what i do remember, i must have gone through atleast a million different ways to fall to your death. finally morning arrived and i woke up with a hope that a new day will wash my rotten luck away. but that hope faded soon. woke up late.... did my stuff.... and a couple of hours after that, the water cut out all of a sudden. i got a couple of messages from Vodafone that i have a couple of missed calls. which is strange.... coz i have had my phone with me the whole time and it DID NOT ring. so i thought that a call to 777 should fix it. they told me ot do a couple of things and see if that made things better.... nada. so it was another call, this time to the nokia call centre. it took me to some call centre in china (i am guessing) where the guy told me to reset my phone. but it still didnt work. so he said that i have to take it to their "authorised repair centre". he gave me the number over the phone. but no address.... so i called the people up and guess what?? they were closed coz its the weekend. BLOODY HELL!!!! so now i gotta wait till monday to take the phone to the people. it got worse. by the end of the day, the phone even stopped recieveing txt messages. so i am now back to the 3310. which, miraculiuosly, after all these years still works. see, that what the problem is these days with technology. we live in a disposable era. everything is always breaking down. cars, computers, MOBILE PHONES!!!! grrrr.... when will they invent something decent that has the feature and DOES NOT break down in 6 months??
but then again, why would they bother to. people like me who actually stick to the stuff that they have are a minority. in a world where style prevails over functionality, a phone that last kinda becomes pointless when the owner is gonna get a new one in a couple of months anyways. its annoying. i was talking ot a girl at AUT the other day and the talk of the differences between girls and guys came up. and i made a note that girls can be a bit stupid at times. coz all they ever care about is how cool something looks rather than how good its functions are. she imidiately replied "hey thats a very sexist remark". so i asked her. if you had a choice between a phone that looks really cool and didnt offer much in the functions and a phone that was big and chunky and was filled to the brim with the latest technology and gismos, which would you choose.... she admitted that she would prefer the one that looks good. maybe this is a guy thing. coz according to me, any person in their right mind would take the one with the functions. what has this world come to??

the analysis of the weird wake up dream

ok... after days of figureing out what the hell that scary dream was all about, i have finally come to possible explanation of such an occourance. i guess i have been playing too many computer games... coz i blame the concept of it on my most reason purchase need for speed most wanted. the round watch that shows me the map is the exact same one from the map shown on the bottom left hand corner of the screen. i also happen to wear my watch on the left hand. the helicopters resemble the same one found in the game when you get a level 4 heat on your ride... as for the runnig and hiding from them, well, i think it was a mixed scenario of what a game could be like if you were to mix my two favorite games... GTA3 and need for speed most wanted. that guy that got killed by the chopper, he, in NFS most wanted, would have been a civillain car that would have been accidentally taken out while the cops are trying to get to me... all in all... my weird, scary, adreneline filled dream was all a concept idea for a game... go figure...

weird wake up dream

i had to wake up early today for some reason. had to get myself out of bed at about 6am in the morning. this was something special since i dont usually wake up till after midday. anyways, to make sure i would wake up, i set two alarms, one on my mobile.... as usual and i also programmed my stereo to wake me up at that time. so 6am rolled around and i was woken up, but just before i woke up, i seemed to remember a dream that i was having. now this is really strange coz i have never had one this weird before and i am still trying to make sense of it... it was night, it was really dark all around. i was near buildings that kinda reminded me of mount roskill grammer. but it was different from inside. it was all dusty and it had really old dusty windows. the place looked abandoned. from what i remember, i had my back pressed against a wall on the outside of one of these buildings. and for good reason, coz passing from right infront of me and missing me by mere inches was a flash light. the source of which was somewhere in the sky. i could also hear rotors. this means only one thing. helicopters. i look upwards and find that its a black helicopter. but it gets worse, theres not one but there are two of these and for some reason, i cannot get spotted coz otherwise something terrible will happen. dunno what it is but i do know it will be bad. i look at my watch on my wrist and guess what?? it is not a watch, it is a GPS map of where i am and it also shows where the helicopters are and whats their spotting range. now that is weird. but it gets worse. the lights pass by and i decide to take a shot and run to the next building. so i take off... my heart is really racing at this point. thats when one oh the choppers seem to spot me and follow me with the flash lights. but i still keep running regardless.... the ground behind me is exploding due to some weird red lights that are coming from the helicopters. i duck into the next building and do not exit out the other end. i stop inside to catch my breath. strangely, lights are on inside this building. and there are a few people walking about as if its normal and everything is alright. my heart is racing at this moment. i see the first corridor to my left and turn in there and hide just around the corner. a group of three girls and a guy walks by. they go and stand at the corner facing the entrance that i just ran through.... in such a way that i can see them, but i cannot see the entrance. anyways, i hear the rotors getting louder and louder.... it suddenly gets windy and i see the spot light from that chopper shine on the floor near me... they are coming thorugh the windows next to the entrance. and it shines right on the group of people standing there. then the guy steps towards the entrance and disappears from my line of sight. all i see next is a bright light and hear the screams of the girls. the lights fade away, but the choppers are still out there somewhere. i deicde to take a look to see what that bright light was all about only to find that the guy was now a little pile of ashes and the girls were around it with shocked expressions on their faces. i decide its not safe there anymore and i decide to take a different exit. this one is in an L shaped form and is surrounded by flax bushes around the exit. so i wait near them waiting for my opportunity to get away from this building. the next thing i know, i hear this sound of concrete breaking and i turn around ot find that the exit that i had just stepped out of was about a meter higher than it was before and rising quickly. the entire building was being lifted. and as qiuckly as it started, it was gone. disappeared. all of a sudden a light shines on me and i turn around in surprise to find that it is from another helicopter. that just freaked me out so much that i woke up with my heart racing and me sweating all over and Crazy by Gnarls Barkley playing on the radio. oh, and i had a thumping headache and all of a sudden, i was really tired. now that was a really shitty way to wake up. all day i have been trying to figure out what the hell that damm dream was all about and whether it had any meaning to it or not. well... ill let you guys know when i come up with something. in the meanwhile, i would really appreciate any ideas you guys out there might have as to what it means. i am open to anything at the moment.